A "Disease" I'd Be Happy to Catch

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To Go or Not to Go

For the last year and a half, I've been scheduling my life around TTC-ing. And for even longer than that, I've been planning around the possibility of being pregnant.

You know how it is...well, I don't want to start teaching now because I'll probably get pregnant and then I'd have to leave in the middle of the year...ya...WRONG...

Obviously, I haven't gotten pregnant in that time. But I have picked up a new obsession with my google calendar, which I use to plot predicted ovulation dates for "trying times" (those times are trying in more ways than one!) and anticipated AF arrivals.

I'm supposed to be going home in about a month for a few weeks; I usually have to go every few months to take care of some things for my family. Our trying times don't fall right in the middle of the trip, but they fall in a way that my trip would be a lot shorter than usual - less than 2 weeks verses 3 weeks.

Now I'm in a dilemma. We have missed months due to unavoidable circumstances (x-rays, work training for DH), but we haven't voluntarily missed a single month of TTC since we started.

At first I told DH I'd be going for 3 weeks because I'm so tired of planning around TTC-ing and scheduling my whole life around it. I figured the break that month might be good for me mentally too - a whole month in which I won't be fretting over TTC-ing and then the angst of am I pregnant?/am I not? in the 2WW.

But as I was about to book my tickets, I just stopped. I don't have to be gone for 3 weeks...less than 2 is doable. Not ideal, but it can work. And maybe I'll regret missing the opportunity of TTC-ing that month, and more importantly, maybe I'll regret pushing back my treatments even further.

So I'm undecided. I'm sick of planning around TTC, I want to just plan like a normal person would plan. And it will be difficult getting everything taken care of in half the time that I expected to be there. But I'm afraid I'll regret missing the month and the subsequent delay in the next steps of treatment.

I was going to avoid all this by just going earlier, but my SIL's engagement is the weekend of the week I planned to go...so I can't leave any earlier than after that. And I do have to go by the end of August.

Any advice? Would you take the month off and force yourself to relax? Or do you think you'd wish you hadn't "wasted" a month?

I Had Two Eggs (No, Three!)

Our morning chat:

DH: hi sweetums
DH: how u feelin?

me: um ok
me: why?
me: something wrong?

DH: your tummy was hurtin last nite, so im checkin up on my [nickname for me]
(referring to the cramping I've been having)

me: oh thanks
me: so far so good
me: i had two eggs
me: 1 real, 1 fake
me: i really want the other real one

DH: how u know?

me: noooooo
me: LOOLLLL
me: i ate two eggs

DH: hehe...

Lol! He's finally thinking in TTC terms! Of course he forgot that the whole point of the ultrasound earlier in the week was to see how many eggs had been released, so we already knew that. So he doesn't quite have all the facts of the process down...but he's trying.

Yes, I did eat three eggs (two real, one egg beaters), but it was breakfast and lunch, and I went to the gym this morning! So I think it was okay. : )

No AF yet. Cramping continues, but less than before. I don't know what to make of that. I resisted testing this morning. I did temp, and my temp is still high...but it doesn't mean much - I could easily get AF on Saturday or Sunday (+/- 1 or 2 days is not unusual for me).

I'm trying not to hope for now...though I got really excited after Mandy and RM said they cramped at the very beginning when they got pregnant. Don't you guys know I'm trying not to get my hopes up?? :) Thank you for trying to be hopeful for me. :)

NCLM...for the Brave of Heart and Blogging

It's been about a week, and I'm loving it. I love all the new comments (you guys are all awesome, thank you for your advice and for lifting my spirits!), I love finding new blogs and people who I feel are really speaking to me, and I love the sense of community and belonging that I'm feeling.

But I'm not really loving that this morning I woke up in a panic after having dreamt that I didn't leave enough comments for yesterday! Or that I have become glued to the computer, sitting here hours after I'm done with work and school. DH says I quit my job so I could focus on my new blogging habit! Which of course is totally untrue. But it does seem as though all the free time I gained after quitting has been directly channeled into blogging, reading, and commenting.

Since I'm a relatively new blogger, maybe I just don't have this down quite right...I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be spending all day reading blogs and commenting, right? :) Problem is, I'm enjoying myself - it feels so nice to finally fit in somewhere, to read about people going through what you're going through, to comment freely and from your heart about what you care about. But I think when I get excited that DH is coming home late so I can blog without feeling guilty, I've taken things a little too far.

So, any advice on how to manage my new-found "habit"? How do you keep up with blog friends without spending all day reading everyone's stories? Any tips for effective blogging from all the experienced bloggers out there?

For the Love of Blogging

Two years ago, a relative of mine told me how she had met the person she wanted to marry through her blog - they had become commenting buddies. Back then, I thought I had a progressive marriage - DH and I met online too, but we met through one of those sites like eharmony - a site designed with the purpose of helping people meet. When she told me how they had met, my first thought upon looking at her blog was why in the world would anyone want to post their private thoughts, in essence, their diary, online for the whole world to see? Didn't people used to guard their diaries with their lives to protect them from anyone seeing them, let alone potentially anyone with access to the internet?

Well, two years later, I guess I've changed my mind. : )

IF can be such a painful and long and lonely journey when you're on your own. Early last year, when we had begun actively TTC-ing, I used to frequent message boards like ovusoft, but I never did end up joining any of them...they just didn't seem right for me. I thought blogs were for "young" people like my cousin...I had no idea how big blogging was. Later in the year, I stumbled upon mom blogs by accident, through an email someone sent me, and while I enjoyed reading some of them, they were constant reminders of what I didn't have. Only when I finally had my initial appointment at the fertility clinic did I find IF blogs - I was trying to prepare for the first visit, and google led me to the mother of IF blogs - the Stirrup Queen herself :), through Operation Heads-Up, and I'm so grateful I found my way there.

Blogging has the power to connect people who would never, ever have met in real life and bring them together to support each other. I'm still pretty new to the blogosphere, but I'm really impressed by the number of people that stop by and read my story and share words of support and encouragement with me - thank you to you all. :)

And in honor of those commentors, and commentors all over the world, it's NaComLeavMo. So for the love of blogging, everyone go forth and starting commenting!

EWCM

I was just thinking how no one other than a woman TTC-ing would have any idea what EWCM is or how happy it can make us when it comes.

I remember early last year, when I was reading about temping and charting in preparation for TTC-ing, trying hard to understand what in the world EWCM even was. I mean, who categorizes the types of cervical fluid they have?? Let alone actually look at it and touch it and stretch it between two fingers in order to determine exactly what type it is each day??

Well, those were my newbie days...and now I'm a seasoned veteran. I remember the first time when my CM stretched between my fingers...how happy I was to know that I indeed have EWCM. Since then I've come to learn that in fact, I have about 7 days of EWCM each cycle, which is pretty good, but even such a nice, stretchy, sperm-friendly environment hasn't been quite enough to get us pregnant.

Still, I can't help but get excited each month at the first day of EWCM. :)