Friday, August 15, 2008

I'm still Alive, Thanks :)

In the two weeks since I last posted, I've had a million and one blog posts composed in my mind that never quite made it to being published (or even typed up). Things have been a little hectic; there's so much to say, and yet it's all a big jumble now. Under normal circumstances I would have been typing away through this whole time, so everything wouldn't be so confused and mixed up in my mind now.

So this will be an update post, an explanation of sorts for my absence.

Two weekends ago, I developed an eye infection that stubbornly refused to go away till a couple of days ago. I did my best to keep up with your posts, and I tried to comment, but when my eyes were hurting too much, I just stopped and marked all those posts in Google Reader as was a great sense of guilt accompanied by relief. :) So if I didn't make it around to commenting on your blog, please forgive me.

Now my eyes are better, from the infection at least, but I've been practically living at my in-laws the last few days getting ready for my SIL's engagement party tomorrow...leaving little time for blogging. Wish us luck that all goes well and my cooking is edible and appreciated.

Today my eyes hurt again, but that's because I've been drowning in tears, angry tears, sad tears, painful tears, tears that make no sense to me, all yesterday and today. I know it's all just the stupid Clomid, but the way it makes you feel is so painful, and that pain you feel is real. Previously I had been jumping back and forth from Jekyll to Hyde, but I feel like in the last few days I've been propelled downward into Hyde-ness - and it's not a pretty sight. I'm scared to even think of what next month's 100mg will turn me into.

Sunday I'm going home. Yay! An escape from being surrounded by babies and pregnant women and those insidious little comments and hints on when I may be joining their ranks. Unfortunately, though almost every single one of you advised me to go and stay my full three weeks, my guilt conscience couldn't let me skip the next I'm going for 10 days. Half as long as usual, but better than nothing.

I probably will not be able to blog or even read your blogs while I'm gone, as I do not want to be "discovered" while at home. :) So it'll be another long absence, in which you all will be missed. I'll do my best to catch up when I return - "see" you when I get back! :)


Gibson Twins said...

I was just thinking about you this morning so I'm thrilled that you haven't permanently left us! Clomid is tough stuff, I hope its the last time you have to endure this. Have a nice vacation and try to enjoy yourself as best you can. Hope to hear about the trip when you return :)

hopeful #1 said...

Wow, that's great! Glad to know you are back to reading and seeing!

Clomid sucks. I hated it. You've read about my experience I'm sure. Hated that crap! And it didn't work for me ... jerks.

Anonymous said...

I hope you have a lovely "break" back home, just a break from everything. I'm sorry the Clomid is so hard on you. Hopefully it will all be worth it!!!

Thanks for commenting on my blog ... it's our lucky #13! I didn't think we were young when we married (me 23yo, dh 25yo) but now when I look at early twenties people they do seem young to me.

We'll miss you while you are away.



Stacey said...

Thanks for your comments on my blog. Yeah, I wasn't sure if you'd noticed my comment on yours before you visited mine - cool, huh?
I'll enjoy keeping up with you as well. Hope things get better real soon with the eye infection and everything else going on.


I Believe in Miracles said...

YEAH !!! You're alive !!!

Sorry to hear about the horrible eye infection. It's hard to imagine how much we need them until we had to take them for granted. My mom is going blind by glaucoma and it has been a scary process.

I hear you on the not wanting to blog at home. I wouldn't risk it either.

I hope you do have a wonderful "break" back home. And that we both survive our clomid this round!! and don't have to do anymore. :o)


hopeful #1 said...

alright, i have labels on my clomid posts... go read them... it was a mess!

Jill said...

I'll be riding the Clomid coaster this month, too! I hope you have a nice trip home!!!

alicia said...

so sorry about your eye!! no fun. Have a great trip, at least you are getting away for sometime, even if its just 10 days! have so much fun!

Kristin said...

Sorry to hear about the eye infection and hope you have fun while you are gone. Trying to "hide" infertility treatment while you are home can be hard. I had to do progesterone suppositories the whole first trimester and had a visit home during that period. That was loads of fun to hide...ugh.

RM said...

Oh, I've missed you so. Safe travels and hurry back!! xox

Leslie Laine said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog - just reading up on you today. I hope you're well and making it through your Clomid-fugue. I know it's awful, but at least we're both one day closer to the end. And, maybe 100 mg will be about the same as 50 for you. Here's to hoping!

Mandy said...

I am so sorry to hear your having a hard time with the clomid! It sucks! I hated it, it made me psycho!!! I understand you not wanting to take a cycle off, that is why I turned down a short term work assignment, I would have been gone 3 months and it wasn't worth it to me. I hope going home gives your mind a break. When you come home you will be refocused and fresh. It will be a good break, even if it is short. Have a great time....and take care of you!! ((HUGS))

Andrea said...

I know what you mean by composing posts in your head! I do that too when I'm out of town or too busy to blog.

I'm so glad your eyes are better! That must have been terrible, especially on top of the Clomid. I admire your strength for spending so much time around pregnant women, I'm not sure how I would handle that!

Have a great vacation! I don't blame you for only staying 10 days, that's what I would do too.

Kristen said...

Enjoy your trip!

Lost in Space said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the eye infection, but am glad it is better now.

I hope the Clomid does it's magic so you can move away from that stuff for good.

Enjoy your trip. 10 days away sounds like enough if your family is anything like mine. (: