Sunday, April 20, 2008

I'm Just a Stay at Home Wife

"So, what do you do?" the nurse asked me as I stood at the reception to schedule my next appointment.

I fumbled over my answer. "Well, um, uhh, I take a religious studies course online, and I do some part-time work from home."

"Oh, so you're just a stay at home wife then?"

Feeling as though I had to excuse myself for being just a stay at home wife, I answered in defense, "Yeah, well, I'm still waiting for my immigration to go through."

Just a stay at home wife, huh? I thought to myself as I waited for the receptionist. Funny how the valedictorian goes from being the top student to getting a Masters to becoming a teacher and then to becoming a...stay at home wife?

Funny how people only see what you are on the outside with no idea who you are on the inside.

He continued, "Where are you from?"

I'm thinking, duh, isn't it obvious? "I'm from the States."

"Oh, your accent is so good, that explains it."

Funny huh? How easy it is to judge from the external with no idea what lies beneath the surface...

So just because I have a scarf on my head I must be from a foreign country? Just because I'm not working 9-5 right now, I'm nothing more than a stay at home wife?

In a way this conversation mirrors my struggle with infertility, and I imagine many others face this struggle as well. People look at you from the outside and just make a quick judgment.

"Oh, so you don't have kids?" "When are you going to make us an aunt/uncle/grandparent?" "What are you waiting for?"

As though it's so simple to just up and have kids. I guess to them it was or is, but for us, it's just not. All the inquisitive minds have no idea of the pain and struggle that lies beneath the thinly-veiled veneer of polite responses that are replayed like a broken record to the questions that never end...

After all, who would ever be a housewife if she weren't staying at home for her kids? Who would want to stay at home for nothing, and be just a stay at home wife? (sarcasm)


dayzofrain said...

Hey!!! Thanks for droppin me a line on my blog!

Ok.. so the laundry issue.. I still haven't given in. I can tell when he goes out for field problems that he expects his laundry to be done when he gets home and his face falls when he realizes that it isn't. If he starts piles.. i just add them to gigantic one on his side of the bed (there because I can't see it when i walk into the bedroom, or layin on my side of the bed, etc).

Its just something I've been extremely stubborn about... I WILL WIN!

Jodi said...

I am in the same boat. I am a stay at home wife in Canada because I moved up here last summer to marry my boyfriend. Still going through the immigration process so I can't work and can't really leave the country. It's a surreal experience, being a reluctant housewife. I'm not very good at it. :)

Stacey said...

I just posted on my blog tonight about SAHWs and wondered if there were any others out there in the world. I did a Google search and found you!
In the words of Anne of Green Gables, I think we may be kindred spirits. Reading your words is a lot like being inside my head. Infertility is horrible. Want to be friends? :)