Little Things

All day long I was craving veggie lasagna...out of the blue, no reason, but I really wanted it. Of course I had no lasagna noodles, but the beauty of having a friend who lives downstairs dawned on me, so I went and got some noodles from her. After dinner, I returned the leftover noodles and shared some of the lasagna.

DH was on the phone then, so I didn't call before I went down, I just went and knocked on her door. It was kind of late, so she was in her robe, and for the first time, she looked really pregnant. She's due in two months, so it's no surprise. She just looked like a really cute pregnant lady, round all over and waddling, with a nice, big belly.

Sometimes it's the little things that hurt, that sting like a paper cut...so small, but hurts like anything. Last night I was sitting and thinking about how I had pictured my life...I always imagined I'd have four or five kids. My friend downstairs...that was supposed to be me, but by now, I was supposed to be on #3. It dawned on me last night that if I ever do have a baby, that doesn't mean I'll be able to have several more, like I always dreamed I would. I'll never be trying to time births 2.5 years apart. I'll be lucky and blessed to even be able to give birth and have one baby, let alone five.

At this point in the game, I'll be grateful for one. But sometimes little things bring the old dreams back, and it's hard to realize that I have to let go of them.