Oh the Ironies

Guess who just won a premium breast-feeding pillow worth $75???

Yes, that's right! Infertile old me! Who's never, ever won anything in her life! But has now won a $75 breast-feeding pillow!

So, for the last five weeks, every Sunday, I have been surrounded, and I mean literally surrounded, by pregnant women. Why would I put myself through this torture you ask?

Well, it's all T's doing. T is my friend who just told me she is pregnant - and my only IRL friend who I've shared our TTC struggles with. Another friend suggested we take a course on childbirth and early parenting with a new doula who just moved to town, since, you know, we were likely to be thinking about having kids soon (I hate that everyone knows that we're trying, though we've never said it!). I immediately dismissed the idea, knowing that I'd been trying for a year, still wasn't pregnant, didn't want to depress myself by reminding myself of everything that I thought I would have already experienced by now...

Let me tell you, instinct is always right. I didn't even take a flyer for the course, since of course I wasn't going to be taking it. But T convinced me, this is a really good opportunity, not everyone taking the class is pregnant anyway, it's good info to have on hand for the future...and she convinced me to take it. Well, I decided to take it only after I confirmed that all the non-pregnants taking the class were actually not pregnant, so that I wouldn't be the only non-pregnant in a childbirth class. And I figured T and I would be chatting about BBTs and CM and trying techniques during the breaks anyway.

Sigh...well, what can I say...we started out as 6 pregnants and 5 non-pregnants, which wasn't too bad. As in, I wasn't completely surrounded by pregnants, so I felt kinda okay. But now we're down to 5 pregnants and 2 non-pregnants. Two of the pregnants had their babies. Two of the non-pregnants dropped out/couldn't make it anymore. And one of them - T - became pregnant! Which, btw, is awesome, and I am truly happy for her. But now, I'm literally surrounded by pregnants.

Every week we have a little quiz with a prize. Everyone loves prizes right? The first week, one of the girls who was about to pop won a book on child-birth. I told DH, that book would have been better off in one of our hands, she didn't have time to read it anymore anyway! Lo and behold...she had her son the next week! That week, we had a team quiz, and my team won. Yay! My team was me and 3 pregnants, including T. We won burp cloths. The 2 pregnants chose colors to match their babies' genders, while T tried to pretend like she was just picking one up based on the fabric (because no one else knows she's pregnant yet), and I chose something neutral so I could gift it later. It kinda hurt knowing that everyone on my team was choosing for their own babies, and I was choosing for one of their babies...

Then last week, we had a surprise quiz on breast-feeding. Well, obviously I knew nothing about that, having never been pregnant nor breast-fed. Well, I think those mommas-to-be should be worried if I know more about breast-feeding than they do! T and I tied for the quiz, so we had a tie-breaker, which I won. All along, I kept thinking, how ridiculously ironic, every single person in this room but me (and one other girl who's not even married so she's obviously not TTC-ing) is coveting this expensive prize that I have won, because they're all going to be needing one in a few months...while only God knows if I ever will...

So I'm kinda dreading going to class today and getting the prize...it's just another reminder that I'm still not pregnant, while most everyone around me is.