Thursday, July 24, 2008

To Go or Not to Go

For the last year and a half, I've been scheduling my life around TTC-ing. And for even longer than that, I've been planning around the possibility of being pregnant.

You know how it is...well, I don't want to start teaching now because I'll probably get pregnant and then I'd have to leave in the middle of the year...ya...WRONG...

Obviously, I haven't gotten pregnant in that time. But I have picked up a new obsession with my google calendar, which I use to plot predicted ovulation dates for "trying times" (those times are trying in more ways than one!) and anticipated AF arrivals.

I'm supposed to be going home in about a month for a few weeks; I usually have to go every few months to take care of some things for my family. Our trying times don't fall right in the middle of the trip, but they fall in a way that my trip would be a lot shorter than usual - less than 2 weeks verses 3 weeks.

Now I'm in a dilemma. We have missed months due to unavoidable circumstances (x-rays, work training for DH), but we haven't voluntarily missed a single month of TTC since we started.

At first I told DH I'd be going for 3 weeks because I'm so tired of planning around TTC-ing and scheduling my whole life around it. I figured the break that month might be good for me mentally too - a whole month in which I won't be fretting over TTC-ing and then the angst of am I pregnant?/am I not? in the 2WW.

But as I was about to book my tickets, I just stopped. I don't have to be gone for 3 weeks...less than 2 is doable. Not ideal, but it can work. And maybe I'll regret missing the opportunity of TTC-ing that month, and more importantly, maybe I'll regret pushing back my treatments even further.

So I'm undecided. I'm sick of planning around TTC, I want to just plan like a normal person would plan. And it will be difficult getting everything taken care of in half the time that I expected to be there. But I'm afraid I'll regret missing the month and the subsequent delay in the next steps of treatment.

I was going to avoid all this by just going earlier, but my SIL's engagement is the weekend of the week I planned to I can't leave any earlier than after that. And I do have to go by the end of August.

Any advice? Would you take the month off and force yourself to relax? Or do you think you'd wish you hadn't "wasted" a month?


alicia said...

I am with you, I am sick on planning my life around ttc and possible PG. I would jsut go! Say screw you universe and go and have fun and not think about it at all! You won't regret it, it is nice to have a break, it really is, trust me! I have taken a few month breaks and I have always enjoyed them! have fun either way though :)

Gibson Twins said...

I have to vote for take the month off, visit with your family, do something for YOU and try to really let go. It will probably be more enjoyable than going and thinking about all the TTC stuff for that month and then you can have a brand new month when you come back.

I think it is so incredibly unfair that anyone has to deal with IF crap. Totally unfair! I am thinking of you!!

BTW, thanks for the sweet comment on our WBW post- on a day like today, its the 7 month old age I would love to rewind back to.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'd go. I'm learning, in my faint and feeble way, that life happens in the inbetween times.

Just Me. said...

Sigh, don't I know this scenario better. As you know, I had such a great job which required a fair bit of travelling. And then I migrated and every month, I went, NO, I'M GONNA GET PG THIS MONTH, NEXT MONTH. It's been almost more than a year without working a job that I used to be so passionate about. And I've been jobless for 2months since the operation. The thing that these fertiles do not know is that with infertility, everything is on permanent hold.

But I did give myself a break. I went back last Christmas and we weren't ttc for 2 months after that cuz I had to have a Ruebella jab since they found out that my immunity was low.

So, that break was good. But I know where u're coming from. What if I didn't try this month and that this month would be THE MONTH?

Ok, I'm rambling, but I hope you'll come to a decision u'd be happy with.


VA Blondie said...

Go and visit your family. Taking a break can give you perspective you cannot get when you are all wrapped up in TTC. It is too easy to get bogged down in the details, and taking a break allows you some space to breathe.

~Jess said...

I hear ya...I'm tired of planning everything around TTC. I'm still waiting for AF to arrive so I can call our RE and my boss tomorrow to let her know when my appt is next week: Yuck!

I vote for take the month off.

loribeth said...

Go. Have a good visit with your family. Try not to think about anything ttc related. I did it, & it feels good!!

My Infertility Diaries said...

Thanks so much for the sweet comment!! I am also a sahw...wanting to be a sahm :D Wish I knew some awesome advice to tell you on your future trip. I can only tell you what I do in situations like that. I go with my heart. I know that is not much help, because your heart wants to work on ttc and visit your family. Just know there is NO wrong decision :D

RM said...

I would go. The only months K and I have taken off were the ones following losses, but even though I was grieving I really enjoyed the break. It was elating, really. I bet you'll like it!!

kirke said...

We took a break this month, and while I regret the missed opportunity in some ways, it's so liberating not to have to suffer through the two week wait. I think I needed that. Just one month where I haven't driven myself crazy w/ faux pregnancy symptoms.

Mandy said...

No decision is ever easy when Tcc. I say go. It is good for your body and most importantly your mind to take a break sometimes. I have been planning my life around Tcc for over 18 months and I have taken a few breaks-with no regrets. It was my chance to clear my head and do something for ME. Ultimately you need to do what is going to make you the most happy, it's not about making someone else happy. Follow your heart, it aways leads you in the right direction.

seriously? said...

It sucks that every decision becomes huge doesn't it? The only time we took off was after our loss. I was planning on taking off August and September since I was starting back to school. Go, enjoy, be free!

Jill said...

If it were me, I would go and take the full 3 weeks. Yes, it kinda sucks that you'll have to put off your TTCing for another month, but There's always the next month.... and really? How often do you get to see your family anyway? Go, relax, and enjoy the time you can spend with your family while they are still here for you to see. Trust me, I've learned the hard way too many times that you just have NO idea how long you get with the people you love most, so take advantage of every minute you can get. Later, when you have a family of your own, they will love hearing the stories about the people you grew up with and the times you spent togther. Go make some memories and don't regret taking the time off.

I Believe in Miracles said...

There are some great comments on this decision.

I really don't know. I would say go with what you feel. Jill has great points about making memories. Many talk about having a nice break...

I haven't been able to do that. Even in the months when the clinic was like -- don't try this month, because x test -- we still did thinking, well if I get pg, I won't need to test. I had 2 months between the time my insurance kicked in to pay for the infertility stuff and when I was technically diagnoses, and we still decided to try - just in case.

But I feel like I've gotten less stressed as the whole process has gone on. For the most part, the waiting to try again is hard for me... so it's your choice and we'll support you either way!!

One thing - my vacation was great because I didn't think about ttc much at all, and I feel far more relaxed this cycle (I think also because I know what to expect) than I have for many months. It's kind of a nice feeling. Not sure if it'll make a difference though -- will let you know in 3 weeks or so.

Either way, I hope you enjoy your trip with your family!

Sassy said...

During four years of trying we've had a heap of months off. You deserve to go and have fun and enjoy yourself. Take the pressure off yourself for one cycle and go and remember how to breathe again.

Stephanie said...

How about some advice from a first time visitor? I am in a similar situation...TTC forEVER, and pretty much over letting it run my life. We have one son, our miracle child, and sometimes my burning desire for another one makes me feel guilty...this is such a roller coaster, is it not? Anyway, I would definitely take some time to yourself to "regroup" and re-energize (ha). In fact, I have done the same thing the last six weeks. Now I feel refreshed and like the pressure is off for a little bit. Do I regret it or feel like I missed an opportunity? Not really. I am learning to let go of things over which I have no control. So I am now trying to "let go and let God" as my best friends keeps telling me to do, and remembering that it will happen when it happens. Easier said than done, for sure. Best wishes, and good luck with whatever you decide. I can't wait to come back to your blog and see pregnancy and baby pictures! I know you'll experience your own miracle soon.
(Mama Still Wears Gucci)